Cat litter. It's dusty. Dusty and gray. Also, granular. Decidedly less so upon being used, it forms a foul smelling hillock that waits for the low-man-on-the-totem-pole of the household to reluctantly scoop it. It smells of...cat litter? What else does cat litter smell like? I dunno. It's the medium in which we expect our pet cats to expel their waste. That's it. That's about as much brain real estate each of us has devoted to the rousing topic of "Cat litter" and deservedly so. Cat litter is one of those things that is so inconsequential in our lives, so banal of a product, that any amount of conversational effort devoted to it is too much. That is, when it works. And yet...here I am reviewing it on Amazon. In addition to having a decent (boring?) enough of a life that I can devote time to reviewing cat litter on Amazon, I have two cats. One is a white flame-point ragdoll cat that is the reincarnation of Steve McQueen that'll befriend a Rottweiler within minutes of meeting (Tucker) and the other is a painfully shy siamese that closely resembles a raccoon that swallowed a medicine ball - we call her "the basement troll" for her penchant for cool, dark spaces and cardboard boxes. Formally, however, she is known as "Bailey". While Bailey is extremely sweet, she's very nervous and scares extremely easily. She hides in the basement whenever anyone comes to the house and hates being carried. While Tucker is as cool as Billy Dee Williams and makes the Dos Equis guy look like Don Knotts, Bailey is more sensitive than an open cavity. As a result, she's suffered from chronic bladder infections for years. While both of these cats are polar opposites of each other, both had one thing in common - they both had a penchant for leaving tootsie rolls just outside of their litterbox. In addition, because Bailey suffered from routine bladder infections, we were starting to see rust-colored spots in not-so-inconspicous places around the house (essentially every carpeted corner in the house). While I certainly don't condone the tendency for families to throw their hands up in the air in exasperation and send their pet cat straight to the kennel when this happens, I can understand how it happens. If only there was some sort of miracle product that keeps such tragedies from happening... Yes, Precious Cat Ultra Premium Clumping Cat Litter is that product. How incredible is this stuff you ask? I'll tell you: it's so damned good that here I am, semi-supine in my cozy bed on the last Tuesday before Christmas and instead of figuring out how I'm going to get every last gift that I'm obligated to buy, I'm reviewing this cat litter. That's how f---ing great this stuff is. It's simply sublime - transcendent even. In a world where every product is so over-hyped, brightly packaged, and intrusively advertised on every screen in your house and yet is woefully and ultimately ineffectual, here's a product that's the equivalent of a circa 1974 George Foreman right cross packaged in a manila envelope. Before I continue, I would just like to say that this isn't one of those inane, dipsh-t "ironic" reviews that self-entertained hipsters write in the hopes that they get recognized by Buzzfeed - I'm as sincere as I can be - this is the Alpha and Omega of cat litter. With that out of the way, the first thing that comes to mind about this litter is that it saved our carpets, piles of dirty laundry and sanity from Bailey's sketchy bladder. Cynical as I am, I was fully expecting the worst for Bailey - her bladder infections were a more consistent recidivist than Tyron Biggums and there was no end in sight. Like seemingly all pet ailments, I was fully expecting Bailey's treatment to be outrageously expensive. Thankfully, we're blessed with a vet that had long since paid off her exorbitant student loans and rather than recommend more "tests" (i.e. $$$$), she recommended Precious Cat Litter. Always in favor of the cheapest, easiest, and simplest answer, I happily ordered it from Amazon. I replaced all the litter in the house (Tidy Cat) with the Precious Cat stuff and was ill prepared with how fast I saw results. Literally minutes later, there were fresh clumps in one of the litter boxes. Both cats took to this stuff like a fish to water. No longer do we find "surprises" propped up against the litter box when it comes time to clean them out and that's pretty damned nice. So, I give this stuff an easy 5 stars right off the bat due to its ability to coax Bailey to start using the litter box again, and thereby curing her bladder infections for good. That alone makes this a 5 star product. It fully exceeded my expectations. What really makes this stuff special is the comorbidity of the following: 1.) Cost - This litter is significantly cheaper than the major brands you see in large jugs at just about every supermarket in the country. For the longest time I couldn't understand why cat litter was so expensive - I mean it's not like clay and "proprietary scent crystals" are rare earth metals. Precious Cat Litter brings sanity back to cat litter pricing. It's also pretty sweet that a 40lb. bag of this stuff ships with free 2 day shipping with an Amazon Prime subscription. Thus, the value proposition is off the charts with this litter. 2.) Scent - There is none. No, I'm not just talking about the actual scent of the litter - I'm talking about after it's been used. Bullsh-t you say? I can't blame you - every friggin' litter I've ever used that advertised such a claim has failed miserably. Cat urine is so putrid and so powerful that it causes many landlords to refuse cats to be present on their premises. I wish I had known about this product years ago because it effectively renders this objection null and void. The way this stuff absolutely smothers cat urine smells is positively game-changing. We have four cat litter boxes in our house - one is in the upstairs laundry room right at the top of the stairs. Normal cat litters would assault the olfactory senses of any poor soul unfortunate enough to walk upstairs in our house. Not so with this litter. It's ability to c-o-m-p-l-e-t-e-l-y void the stench of cat urine is truly other-worldly, maybe even a little bit spooky. Absolutely nothing should work this well at canceling out one of the worst smells known to the human race. Thus, I have no other choice than to conclude that simple logic dictates that Beelzebub himself MUST be involved somewhere in the supply chain of this product - there's no way humans alone have unlocked the superpower of neutering cat urine funk. However, this raises a philosophical question unto itself - how bad could the devil really be if he/she/it is involved with such a flawless product? Eh? Think about it. So, Precious Cat litter is not only super good at eliminating cat urine stench, but it also forces consumers to deeply ponder some of life's most mysterious philosophical questions. Tidy Cat don't do that, jus sayin'... 3.) Clumping performance - To me, next to the puke-inducing smell of cat urine, scooping soggy piles of cat mess is the absolute worst part of changing the litter box. With the mainstream brands, I've noticed there's about a 50:50 chance that the litter will clump. When it does, things are a-okay. When it doesn't, you might as well don a painter's mask and goggles to deal with the resulting acrid fumes. Once again, Precious Cat punches far above its weight here. This stuff clumps so consistently and so tightly that Detroit should consider using this stuff to fill potholes. Cleaning the litter box with Precious Cat is a much faster, much easier, and much less painful experience than ever. So, I conclude my review. Is Precious Cat a fantastic cat litter? Indeed. However, it's something better than that - it's a product that transcends its meager goals, which is to merely be a substance that cats crap into. For one, it's absolutely unmatched in its ability to do what no other cat litter can do, namely
